The one where I get all mushy and nostalgic. Again.

Meagan’s senior pictures came back yesterday. Over 400 pictures were taken and narrowed down to 80-something that the photographer showed us in her studio. Meagan and I now have the chore of narrowing those 80 down into just a few to use for announcements and prints for friends and family.

Photobucket

This is one of my favorites for a couple of reasons. One, it’s the shy half-smile that I’ve seen come across Meagan’s face all her life. In that little half smile I see the little girl that tries so hard not to show her emotions too much to the outside world. But no matter how hard she tries, her eyes give her away every time. I see the girl that is super proud of herself and wants to scream to anyone that will listen all that she has accomplished, but she remains quiet not wanting to call attention to herself. I love this picture because it’s black and white, and simple, and because it’s my girl – and she’s beautiful.

I also love this picture for a not so obvious reason to the average person. Her earrings. As we were sitting in the photographers studio and this photo came across the screen, I let out a little audible gasp and my eyes were instantly drawn to Meagan’s ear. As a little girl, and while I can no longer remember the specific events, I remember my Mom wearing those earrings often. Every time I see them I think of her. I remember them being in her wooden jewelry box, or in the bathroom drawer, or laying on the counter next the sink. I remember them and how they looked and how they felt and the sound that they made when they “clinked” together. Heck, I remember borrowing them myself more than once.

Not long ago my Mom passed those earrings on to Meagan. When Meagan told me that she wanted to wear them for her senior pictures I knew my Mom would be happy when she saw her wearing them. I was right, it was the first comment that my Mom made about the pictures.

Over the years, I never knew where those earrings came from. I guess I always assumed that my Mom had purchased them somewhere. Tonight I learned that my Grandma (my Dad’s Mom) gave them to my Mom as a Christmas gift many years ago. My Grandma has been gone for almost 28 years. Those earrings are the only tangible things that I have (or that Meagan has, actually) that are tied to my Grandma. While I will always remember them as the earrings that my Mom wore and they will always remind me of her, now they are even more special. I was a very young girl when my Grandma died, but I remember her. My memories are few, and I often wonder if I am remembering actual events, or if I’m remembering only the images I have seen over and over in pictures through the years. But I do remember her. I remember talking to her on the phone from Minnesota, I remember visiting her in California, and going to Disneyland and feeding the goats. I remember swimming in her pool, and drinking Hanson’s tangerine lime soda and I remember even as a little girl thinking it was weird that she poured her beer into a glass over ice. I remember visiting the beach and her burning her foot.

I feel sad for myself and the relationship that I was robbed of with both of my Grandmothers but I am so thankful that Meagan has so much more than fading memories as proof that her Grandma was here on this Earth and that she loves her. She has more than a handful of old snapshots. My Mom and Meagan have a real and genuine bond -their relationship is special. It makes me happy that my children and my brother’s children know just how important they are to their Grandma. They’ll never wonder if they matter, if they are good enough, if their Grandma is proud of them-they’ll just know without question.

So in less than a month Meagan will walk across the graduation stage for the first time. Her Grandma will be there, cheering loud and beaming with enormous pride. And who knows, maybe Meagan will be wearing the earrings that she’ll one day pass on to her granddaughter or heck, even her great granddaughter. Meagan will also be wearing that same shy half smile on her face. But her eyes, look at them closely as they’ll tell the real story. That she’s proud of herself, and that she knows she’s loved.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Cheryl K Blake
    Apr 18, 2012 @ 11:15:31

    Very nice Kristin, (this is Cheryl), You and Cheryl have soooo much to be proud of in Meagan!!! 🙂

    Reply

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